Monday, December 22, 2014
So the other night I was talking to Santa, and he was ho, ho, hoeing and all that stuff, which got me to thinking, doesn't the Green Giant do that too. Have you ever seen the both of them in the same room? Is this the giants vacation job? Or does Santa lose a lot of weight going on a vegetable diet after pigging out on cookies and milk all winter? Anyway, so I asked the big guy what I would get for Xmas. I guessed a new Lexus, cause I see that damn commercial every 15 minutes. He said ho,ho, ho, no. Then it must a BMW right? He said ho, ho, ho, no. If it's not a car, how bout Toyota Jan then? She looks like she would fit down my chimney right nice. Santa belched and said HO, HO, HO, NOOOOOO! You're not getting any presents, you have been naughty for the last 30 years! Say what Santa fucking Claus! Maybe Mrs. Claus would like to hear about that lost weekend in Belgium, which you claimed was a "new sled finding mission". Okay, okay, I was only kidding. Drinking this Mad Elf makes me a little crazy at times. But I am giving something really big this year, a present for a whole town.. A present for a whole town? Who gets a present for a whole town? But, they can't open till spring he says drooling over his suit. Santa, I hope Rudolph is driving, cause you are talking some crazy shit. And by the way, why in the hell do you have a sack full of forks and ales in your sleigh? Santa just smiled and said you'll see. You'll see. Just then his cellphone buzzed and I heard him exclaimed as he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all and don't tell Mrs. Claus about tonight
Monday, December 15, 2014
Can you believe it? No really, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? That's right boys and girls and other assorted beings, The Last Bottle Left is back in business! Blogging Santa dropped off a brand new computer to the famed Kepler Mountain Resort and Casino, and let me tell you, this machine is faster than Superman, (unlike me of course). The old Gateway is no more. She served me well for most of those 12 years, but all the blogging I did just wore her out. :) So, hang on to your beers, cause I'm coming to get them!